Thursday, December 4, 2008
Sorry if I blog too much...
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Time to breathe...
For the last two months I have been taking Programming in C++ and Calculus I. I know that may sound like a ghastly combination, but to be honest, the C++ class was a lot of fun. I actually enjoyed the material, and the lessons were to the point and not overwhelming. Calulus on the other hand, was a nightmare. Some of the concepts were pretty difficult to grasp and get through, but the hardest part wasn't learning it. The hardest part was the sheer amount of homework assigned to this course. My first lesson took me over a week to complete, and that was using every spare moment I had to do the homework. Not an hour here, an hour there...No! EVERY BIT OF TIME I HAD. I went to my teacher about the amount of homework, and he said that it is a very heavy load and that the course was actually considered to be a 5 credit course. Well I found this absolutely baffling! Why was it baffling? Well as it were, I am only supposed to be receiving 4 credits for the course, not 5. So something did not add up. Either the work level should have been decreased to accurately represent a 4 credit class, or the amount of credits rewarded should have been raised. As you can imagine, neither of these things happened, and that is why this baffled me. How in the world could common sense have taken such a backseat at an institution of higher education? Doesn't everyone operate off of a sense of common sense? (If you are reading this, I apologize if you choke over the think cloud of sarcasm pouring of the monitor right now) Anyway, needless to say, I struggled. For a month and a half, I worked and worked and worked on this course. The last several weekends have been nothing but staying at home trying to get the massive amounts of Calculus problems done. As a matter of fact, after all my homework was finally turned in just on time, and all my tests (save for the last proctored exam) were graded, I managed to pull of an average of 83! Yeah, I was very proud of the fact that I managed a B in Calculus! However, that was all pending the successful completion of my final. I took this final, and very nervously submitted it.
I failed.
Here is where I should explain something about the lovely policies of Grantham University (where they claim things are set up for the student to succeed): Their policy on final proctored exams is that the entire course hinges upon the success or failure of this last exam. Yes, this exam is pass-or-fail, and if you fail, the entire rest of your course is all for nothing. Again, baffled! Let me once again explain why this baffles me. You see, even with the failed grade of my final exam added in to my overall average, my average was still an 80. AN 80! You got it: I failed with an average of 80! It is funny, because when they post the grade for your course online, they put the Grade letter next to the average. What is funny about that is that next to the F they gave me, they put a zero. That is funny because if they had put my actual average for the entire class, there would be an F next to an 80. And that just wouldn't make much sense, now would it? NO, IT WOULDN'T MAKE SENSE, GRANTHAM. I guess this all goes back to Grantham's original goal: set the student up for success (with accurate and fair policies like pass-or-fail final exams).
As it turns out, I may be given a chance to retake the exam. My admissions rep will be working out the details of that this coming week. If I am given this chance, I could really use everyone's prayers for that exam, because this is the hardest class I have ever taken, and I never want to have to take it again.
To make matters worse, earlier in the day I had a phone interview with a company that would have been a lot closer to where I live, and that sounded like a great opportunity to further my experience and grow in my career. I was actually very excited about it. Unfortunately, I felt that by the end of the interview, I had bombed it. I don't know that for sure, and won't know for sure until I hear back from them, but it was just a very disappointing thing for me. Then to follow it up with the news that I had failed this wretched class that I worked so hard on and sacrificed so much time on, I just became extremely tired.
I felt like I climbed in to the boxing ring with life, and at the end of the 15th round, life landed a strong uppercut to my chin and sent me falling to the floor, out cold. To be honest, I just felt like I wasn't smart enough to move forward with my education, and that I didn't have what it took for a job that I thought I would be perfect for. It was a low feeling. I have been working my fingers to the bone trying to advance my career and education, to provide a better life for my wife and animals, and this day just seemed like a billboard announcing that this was the best I was going to do...That any attempts to push further were just wastes of time, ending in failure.
So, like a soggy log, I have spent the last day feeling down and disappointed in myself. Meanwhile, my amazing wife has been right there by my side, encouraging me, lifting me, trying to show me my true value and worth, and loving me unconditionally. Regis has been great to me while I have been down, but it has been hard to shake the feelings of failure.
And this word, failure...I just couldn't get it out of my head! Finally today God sort of shed some light on this whole thing. He made me realize that I was getting a bit carried away with plotting and planning things out on my own. I had made up my mind what I needed to do to advance in life, and I was making a plan and pushing forward with it. Pushing forward with MY plan. Ah. There it is.
MY plan.
I then began to realize that though furthering your education and applying to a job that would improve my financial situation are not bad things, I was going about them wrong. Instead of saying, "Hey, there is an opportunity. I am going to give it a shot, and just guide it in the direction you want, God", I convinced myself that this was the path that needed to happen. So when my perceived "bombed" interview didn't go how I thought it should, I felt as though I failed. The same with school. I have just demanded of myself that I finish my bachelors yesterday, and that any setback to that is a failure. As a result, I have worked so hard on it that I haven't made time to go to the beach with my wife and dogs, or just set aside time to be with Regis and cherish our fun moments, leaving the mass amounts of homework to a fully capable and merciful God. So, when I failed that test, that huge 2X4 with the word "FAILURE" etched in it smacked me square in the face.
But then God asked me a few things. The first was this: "Am I not capable of helping you to get back up, dust your shoulders off, and successfully retake this exam?" He then asked me, "And if you are not to pass the retake and you must repay the VA the money for the course, am I not able to provide you with the money for that?" He proceeded to widen my perspective on life past the narrow events of failing this test and possibly bombing that interview. Did these events mean that the great job God had already given me was going away? No. Did it mean that I no longer have the most amazing and beautiful wife that loves me and takes great care of me and our dogs? No. Did it mean that the awesome house and amazing provisions that God has given us were going to disappear? Did it mean, AT ALL, that these perceived failures of mine were going to limit or take away God's love, protection, and provision? No, and definitely NO.
So, at the end of this, God calmly told me, "This too shall pass." As a matter of fact, He gave those simple words to my wife to deliver, and they brought so much truth with them. These problems are small, and will pass. I was made to realize that I need to turn all my plans and desires back over to God, and only then will I be truly happy. He knows what is best for me. If I can just learn to tell Him what I would like and want, but then submit completely to His desires for me, I know that I will find myself pleasantly surprised.
Well, if anyone actually stuck with me long enough to get through all that, here is my challenge to you: Do not let YOU get in the way of your own life. Sit down, shut up, and listen. God knows what He is doing, He knows what makes you happy, and He knows these things MUCH better than you do. So please, PLEASE...Listen to Him.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Sunday, July 13, 2008
House. Cat. Insanity.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
It's Been A While...
In the middle of all this business we still managed to have lots of fun moments in May, and have plenty of pictures to prove it! Here are some pics to summarize some of the fun we've been having:
LEFT: Regis and the Dooleys at Venice Beach. The water colors are so blue and beautiful at Venice, which is one of the reasons that it is our favorite Florida beach so far. We did a little snorkeling and shark tooth hunting this day, and then headed over to Pam's (our landlord and Steve's co-worker) house for some pool time and a barbecue. That was lots of fun!
BELOW CENTER: We took the dogs to the dog park beach on Ft. DeSoto with the family, and it was a pretty amazing sunset behind the palm trees. I took the picture from the water. Just thought I would let you all see what a sunset on the beach is like here.
LEFT: Britany and Steve coming back from snorkeling at Crystal River. We were hoping to see manatees, but it was just the wrong time of year. :-(
RIGHT: This appears to be Britany just thoroughly enjoying her visit to Crystal River. Oh, she was enjoying herself, but not for the reason I just mentioned. No, Britany was so happy because at this very moment, she was peeing. Yes, we stopped the pontoon long enough to lower the ladder and let Britany relieve herself. It looks like she was very grateful!
BELOW: At last, the faces of people at the end of an exhilirating vacation. Regis and I might have been responsible for some temporary brain damage at this point? Kidding...We loved having you guys, Brit and Steve. Can't wait for the next visit!
Monday, May 5, 2008
I Am Rich
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Yep, she is a goof ball, but she is my Goof Ball, and God knew exactly what He was doing when He brough her into my life. She is the best friend I have, and the best friend I could ask for. She makes me smile, and she makes me laugh. She still makes my heart flutter. See, I am not even ashamed to be a little cheesy! She is fun and beautiful, and very sexy. She is probably one of the most patient people I know, but then again, anyone that married me would have to be incredibly patient! She sends me off to work with coffee and delicious, healthy meals. Sometimes there are even little napkin notes to remind me how much I am loved. She takes great care of me, and is the most loving dog "mommy" a pup could ask for. And I don't care how ridiculous anyone might think it is for me to base an opinion on this, but I can already tell by how amazing and loving she is toward our animals that she is going to be a great and nurturing mother. She has a huge heart, and she gave it to me. She is the love of my life.
I hope you know how much I love you, Regis. Thanks for all that you are and have been to me. Thank you for taking such good care of my heart. Thank you for giving me a chance to make you happy. I know there may be times that I let you down, but that won't stop me from continuing to try for as long as I am alive to make you as happy as is possible.
To all of you that read through this whole thing hoping for some new and exciting news about us, sorry, but this was as close as I could get to shouting from a mountain top. So I took the opportunity...
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Temp Goes Up, Fur Comes Off...
Hope you enjoyed the journey through Joe's haircut! By the way, in case you haven't seen it, there is a little video posted on our website. It is a collection of clips that Regis and I made since coming to Florida. So if you are bored and have about 11 minutes of spare time, check it out!
Friday, April 18, 2008
Another Blogspot Victim...
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